News/Commentary

Left-wing website boasted about paying witches to curse Charlie Kirk earlier this week

September 11, 2025 | | Print Article

The writers at Jezebel, a radically far-left website tailored to appease the childless cat ladies of the left, hired witches to place curses on Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kirk days ahead of his assassination.

They revealed as much in a piece published Monday.

“Are you interested in punishing Kirk for the years of regressive rhetoric he’s shouted at America’s youth and anyone within earshot?” the piece began. “Here at Jezebel, we’re about to find out if there’s a spell for that.”

Before going into detail about the mysterious spells and curses, the writers first excoriated Kirk for founding Turning Point USA and, of course, being a very standard, everyday conservative male.

“Billed as a ‘nonprofit,’ Turning Point is less about charity and more about funneling far-right propaganda into dorm rooms under the guise of ‘educating’ young voters,” the writers alleged.

“Through these various ventures, Kirk has transformed into a reliable pawn, parroting Project 2025 talking points and championing the owning of the libs. He’s basically a fake news vending machine with a terrible haircut. Sadly, Trump’s re-election only ensured I’d be seeing more of that godawful haircut,” they continued.

ADVERTISEMENT

The writers moved on to issuing a disclaimer that they allegedly weren’t trying to “harm” him.

“I want to make it clear, I’m not calling on dark forces to cause him harm,” they wrote. “I just want him to wake up every morning with an inexplicable zit. I want his podcast microphone to malfunction every time he hits record.”

“I want his blue blazers to suddenly all be one size too small. I want one of his socks to always be sliding down his foot. I want his thumb to grow too big to tweet. To ruin his day with the collective feminist power of the Etsy coven would be my life’s greatest joy,” they added.

And finally, the writers revealed that they’d purchased several curses from witches at the ecommerce platform Etsy, including a “MAKE EVERYONE HATE HIM” curse and a “POWERFUL HEX SPELL” curse.

So, did the curses work? Yes, according to Jezebel’s writers…

ADVERTISEMENT

They cited the fact that Utah State University students had recently “launched a petition to bar Kirk and Turning Point USA from visiting the campus on his college tour.”

They also cited this ridiculous tweet:

“I believe this is it,” the writers concluded. “Slowly over the course of the coming months, the circumference of Kirk’s head will increase inch by inch until he becomes a literal human bobblehead. Or maybe it keeps growing until it eventually pops. Either way, it feels… appropriate.”

“A special thank you to the witches of the modern age, who work tirelessly to hex Republicans and topple conservative regimes (and the occasional ex-boyfriend). Your work is appreciated. And to you, Mr. Kirk: May the rash come swiftly,” they wrote.

ADVERTISEMENT

But it wasn’t a rash that came “swiftly” — it was a bullet. One that has shattered the hearts of millions of Americans. Kirk wasn’t just a loving husband and father, but also a teacher, role model, and friend to damn near half the country.

In light of Kirk’s assassination, Jezebel has since decided to leave the piece up, but with a small note.

“This story was published on September 8. Jezebel condemns the shooting of Charlie Kirk in the strongest possible terms,” the note reads. “We do not endorse, encourage, or excuse political violence of any kind.”

Some of Kirk’s many, many, many supporters have not taken kindly to Jezebel’s piece.

Observe their anger below:

ADVERTISEMENT

Vivek Saxena
Latest posts by Vivek Saxena (see all)

Comment

We have no tolerance for comments containing violence, racism, profanity, vulgarity, doxing, or discourteous behavior. If a comment is spam, instead of replying to it please click the ∨ icon below and to the right of that comment. Thank you for partnering with us to maintain fruitful conversation.

Latest Articles