Chelsea Handler released a public service announcement to her social media accounts during the week, warning viewers of “a new epidemic,” and the reactions reveal a fascinating contrast between Twitter and the Instagram crowd.
Dressed in her pajamas, a straight-faced Handler had a message for America: Beware the “horny old men.”
Stay safe out there. pic.twitter.com/3HxN3bYiIc
— Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) June 14, 2023
“There’s a new epidemic sweeping the country, and no, it’s not another virus,” the former late-night diva began. “It’s worse: Horny old men who won’t stop spreading their seed.”
The comedian went on to slam actors Al Pacino, 83; Robert De Niro, 79; Alec Baldwin, 65; and, for good measure, Twitter owner Elon Musk, 51.
Both De Niro and Pacino recently became fathers once again.
“Don’t even get me started on these four horny old men who have never met a broken condom they didn’t like,” Handler continued. “They can not stop procreating. Between the four of those guys, they have 32 children.”
She isn’t wrong.
Pacino’s 29-year-old girlfriend, Noor Alfallah, recently gave birth to their first child, a son they named Roman. He marks Pacino’s fourth child
“Robert De Niro just had his seventh child at the tender age of 79,” Handler reports.
Despite the drama of their lives, Alec and Hilaria Baldwin have seven kids together, and Ireland, the daughter he famously shares with Kim Basinger, makes eight for the controversial actor.
And then there’s Elon Musk.
“Elon Musk clearly isn’t as old as Murdoch or De Niro,” Handler says. “He’s not in his eighties, but because of his personality, he may as well be.”
The GenX billionaire has ten children with three women.
“Babies rock ” @elonmusk pic.twitter.com/Xc87EwJQ4D
— Daniella Souza (@AIFutureDesign) June 13, 2023
“So how do we protect the women of the world from horny old men?” Handler asked. “Don’t worry. I have a plan to stop this madness, and I’m offering to put myself up for auction.”
“For any available octogenarians, you can find me on E-bay or DoorDash,” she informed viewers. “And for 20% off, you can use the code ‘sugart*ts.'”
“Actually,” she added, “maybe all these old men should put themselves up for auction. After all, they are antiques.”
On Instagram, Handler’s fans offered their kind support and condemned the “horny old men.”
“Thank you!” one user wrote. “I’m so tired of seeing headlines of this sh*t like it’s normal to be a new father in your 70s.”
They worried about the health of the babies.
“Why is no one highlighting the link between elderly fathers, aka sperm from older men, with a higher occurrence of certain diseases and disorders?” one concerned user asked. “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. It’s selfish really.”
Over on Twitter, the tone was a bit different.
Wait I thought super libs were supposed to be about acceptance and not shaming people? Did I miss something?
— Sock Junkie (@HollywoodStroz) June 15, 2023
Says,the old feminist in her silky white pajamas..
endorsing pseudo prostitution. Good greif..
Bites to be you…
Regret projection, much?— outofpaycents (@outofpaycents) June 15, 2023
Put herself up? Has Chelsea looked in a mirror? Did she really just refer to someone else as old? I must be missing something here. Please explain.
— WabloEsocbar (@WabloEscobar1) June 17, 2023
So the moral of this story actually has little to do with “horny old men.”
The real PSA here is, if you’re going to slam a bunch of daddies right before Father’s Day, do it on Instagram.
Your self-esteem will thank you.
Writers and editors can be contacted at [email protected] with feedback, tips, or corrections.
Melissa Fine is the former executive editor of Casino Player, Strictly Slots, and Poker
Digest magazines. She is a UCLA graduate, news junkie, and dedicated Stargate SG-
1 fan. Melissa currently lives with her dog and two cats in a tiny town in the Sierra
Nevada foothills.
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