Hilarious Greg Gutfeld dig suggests MSNBC stands for ‘must sell network before Christmas’

Tackling their ratings free fall, Fox News’ Greg Gutfeld served up a new acronym from MSNBC as the “radioactive” network appeared to commit “suicide by headline.”


(Video: Fox News)

Nearly two weeks removed from the post-election meltdowns that saw corporate media talking heads buzzing through the Kübler-Ross model’s five stages of grief live, fallout from President-elect Donald Trump’s victory continued to provide a source of revelry. On Friday’s edition of “Gutfeld!” this included the host asserting, “These days, MSNBC has come to stand for ‘Must Sell Network Before Christmas.'”

“Their post-election ratings are down 54%, that’s 50% more than my body fat, Walter,” Gutfeld said while addressing guest Walter Kirn. “Hell, Brit Hume’s laxative reviews on YouTube have more viewers. And so they’ve slashed their budgets so low, Joy Reid had to replace her toupée with a cocktail napkin.”

“But don’t feel bad! Check out this headline their website dropped today. ‘Laken Riley’s killer never stood a chance.’ Now that can’t be an accident. If you ask me, it’s suicide by headline. What better way to kill off the rest of the network than to drop one of the most repulsive headlines of all time. MSNBC did finally change it, but the damage was already done,” he said of their coverage of the José Ibarra’s conviction and sentence.

Turning to the post-election olive branch extended by Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski to Trump that had enraged leftists, Gutfeld went on, “Mika and Joe were circling the drain with ‘Morning Joe’s’ already low ratings of dropping another 15%. They’re losing people as fast as ‘The View’ loses toes. The public wants Scarborough’s opinions about as much as his music.”

Clips of Brzezinski fearmongering over the GOP leader akin to Joy Reid’s latest breakdown on those “rightfully alarmed” had the comedic host calling out, “Everybody’ scared! They’re scared! They’re scared! She made sure everybody knew that. Yeah, people were frightened, but who made them so scared?”

“You, ya dipsh*t. You convinced your audience that Trump wanted to destroy democracy and kill women,” he made clear. “If you really believe the stuff you actually said, you’d be fleeing the country, not groveling at Mar-a-Lago.”

“The fact is your viewers revile you because your motivations were exposed. The fearmongering was strictly business. And now that your job is in jeopardy, the fearmongering has gone away. You went from telling them Trump was evil to Trump’s not so bad. It’s like your spouse telling you how much she hates her boss before running off with him to Jamaica.”

Over the course of the recent struggles for the network, billionaire Elon Musk had teased a possible redo of his Twitter acquisition as he wondered at the cost of MSNBC after parent company Comcast Corporation had announced a “new publicly traded company” including MSNBC and other properties.

At the same time, other moves highlighted the downward trajectory as Gutfeld pointed out host Rachel Maddows’ pay cut,”Meanwhile, a salary has been slashed by $5 million a year. It sounds like a lot except she was making $30 million a year for one show a week. So if she does 50 shows a year, her pay went from $600,000 an episode to $500,000. That is like five dollars per viewer. But one MSNBC executive justifies it, calling Maddow, ‘ratings Viagra.'”

“I’m sorry, she couldn’t even give Chris Matthews a semi, and he’s a horny little devil! So what’s next for MSNBC?” he asked. “They will try to redefine themselves as a startup. But this is impossible because the product is nothing new and is hopelessly contaminated. It is radioactive.”

“It’s like closing Chernobyl, throwing on a coat of paint and reopening it as a glow-in-the-dark Cracker Barrel,” the host concluded in part.

Kevin Haggerty

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