Fox News host Tucker Carlson hilariously roasted the living hell out of outgoing “Republican” Rep. Adam Kinzinger on Friday, describing him as “an example of what a man can be when he stops trying to be a man and unleashes the emotionally fragile, divorced, single mom within.”
“Kinzinger was first elected to the House 12 years ago, and for the bulk of his time in office, he served utterly without distinction, in virtual anonymity. A few of his constituents had heard of him, but none expressed interest in learning more,” he said.
But that all changed in 2018 when Kinzinger turned 40 and began to emerge as a hero of the anti-Trump “resistance.”
“The first signs were subtle but unmistakable: choking up at a car insurance commercial, opening an Instagram account and posting pictures of himself, wearing spandex bike shorts to Starbucks without shame and sometimes, with a fanny pack. By 2021, Kinzinger had a full-blown case of male menopause with all the familiar, painful symptoms: mood swings, hot flashes, food cravings, uncontrollable weeping,” Carlson said.
“A lesser man would have retreated from public life, chosen new pronouns and transitioned in private, but Adam Kinzinger chose another path. He chose to be a role model. He wanted other middle-aged men to know there is life after hormonal imbalance, and so on July 27, 2021, Adam Kinzinger bravely came out of the closet as a weepy man. You may remember the moment,” he added.
Speaking before the Jan. 6th committee that day, Kinzinger shed tears as he acted as if democracy had somehow almost perished during the Jan. 6th riot months earlier.
Carlson was very not impressed.
“Imagine the courage that took. ‘Yes, I am emotionally incontinent. Yes, I am utterly irrational. No, I will not be silent.’ In Washington, Kinzinger’s performance was considered deeply inspirational,” he said.
“Here’s a man who has no control of himself at all, so we’d better put him in charge of important things. Kinzinger quickly became regarded as an essential voice on foreign policy. When the world hangs in the balance, you want a guy who cries a lot,” he added.
Indeed, Kinzinger used his final House speech this Thursday to call for more U.S. involvement abroad.
“History has proven that American isolation from the world affairs is dangerous. Over the years, I’ve been privileged to lead the effort on supporting American leadership in a world drowning in faux strongmen, advocating for the rights of Syrian men, women and children to live without fear of Assad’s death squads shouldn’t be political. This is simply the right thing to do. Advocating for stronger American assistance in Ukraine to counter Putin’s illegal invasion shouldn’t be political. That’s just the right thing to do,” he said.
Carlson wasn’t left convinced.
“Yeah, it’s just the right thing to do. See, the world actually isn’t complicated. In fact, the world is simple. It’s like an original, made-for-TV movie on Lifetime, the kind where you burn through two bags of Skinny Pop just trying to keep your tears in check. If Adam Kinzinger is doing something in a foreign country with guns, by definition, it’s ‘just the right thing to do,’ like in Syria,” he said.
“Kinzinger’s often expressed concern for Syria’s men, women and children is what matters and because that concern matters so much, Kinzinger has pushed hard to continue the neocon proxy war in Syria. Results? Syria now has no economy left and there’s a massive cholera outbreak in progress. Men, women and children are dying in huge numbers because it’s just the right thing to do. Same in Ukraine,” he continued.
And Kinzinger knows all about doing the right thing. For example, the other day, a famous Twitter user who goes by the alias “Catturd” posted a meme mocking Ukraine’s flag. In response, the congressman threatened the account holder with violence.
Literal evil. If I met you in person it would not end well… for you. Sicko
Trolls who have never done a thing in their life pretend to be patriots and laugh at real warriors. pic.twitter.com/NrAhC4eAfW
— Adam Kinzinger #fella (@AdamKinzinger) November 22, 2022
Carlson was amused.
“Woah, hear, that, ‘Catturd?’ It will not end well for you. It’s not a pillow fight Adam Kinzinger is talking about. That’s a full-on slap fight with hair-pulling. This is real. You’d better apologize,” he said.
“Our heart goes out to ‘Catturd’ tonight, who is probably cowering in a litter box somewhere, waiting for Adam Kinzinger to show up with sharpened nails. Mock the Ukrainian flag, get scratched. Those are the rules, ‘Catturd.’ It’s a tough town. Meow!” he added.
Pivoting to the future, Carlson concluded the segment by speculating on what’ll happen to Kinzinger once he’s out of Congress.
“Well, we suspect it will end like it began, in anonymity. In just weeks, Adam Kinzinger will be another CNN contributor. No one will ever see him again, but we will never forget him. Adam Kinzinger will live forever in our hearts as an example of what a man can be when he stops trying to be a man and unleashes the emotionally fragile, divorced, single mom within,” he said.
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