Everyone has their bad days, but one “highly intoxicated” Florida woman may just take the cake.
Lisa Slone, 56, was cuffed in a Publix parking lot where she had been seen carrying around a pitchfork and a whip. She allegedly used the pitchfork to pierce the side of a minivan, though the driver later indicated that he was willing to pay for the damages himself and did not want to get authorities involved.
According to a police report from the Florida Highway Patrol obtained by the New York Post, Slone was ordered to put down the pitchfork and whip by a trooper, but she refused to comply. The cops used force to place her under arrest, and after being put in the backseat of a patrol cruiser, the suspect reportedly unbuckled her seatbelt and began kicking the rear window. At this point, she was placed in a “hobble,” which limits the hand and feet movements of a suspect who is being detained.
A manager at the store said Slone was seen earlier in the day trying to sell stuffed animals at the same location. It’s not clear if the two events were related.
Noticing that Slone was covered in cuts and bruises all over her body and face, officers inquired as to how she’d come by such injuries. Per the report, Slone responded that, “she felt no pain anymore and that God was in control.” A trooper on the call noted that Slone “appeared to be highly intoxicated on some sort of stimulant drug, but did not have any odor of alcoholic beverage.”
She has been charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill, which is a third-degree felony in the state of Florida. Slone was arrested in the past for petit theft as well as probation violation.
Social media had quite a bit to say about the woman’s antics: (** Language warning)
ban pitchforks. we need common sense pitchforks laws.
no one needs to own a overly sized fork.
— XRP DYNASTY⑇ (@XRPDYNASTY) July 21, 2022
tbh, looks like florida minivan got some good shots in, still
— D M J March (@dennizenx) July 21, 2022
Wonder what the minivan did to her. 🤔
— jules64 (@jules6420) July 21, 2022
— Brewstermonk (@Brewstermonk1) July 21, 2022
Who among us
— Doc Holliday (@raccoonrocket_) July 21, 2022
If “I’ll do it again” was a face
— Red Zoidberg (@RedZoidberg1) July 21, 2022
Freshly methly look.
— Double Dip (@DoubleDip6969) July 21, 2022
Oh, so that’s illegal now? I thought this was America!
— Supporting the current thing before it was cool (@GameCrumb) July 21, 2022
What a coincidence cuz she looks like the type of gal who would stab the everloving fuck out of a minivan with a pitchfork.
People out here living out their destinies in 2022.
— Sylvester’s Alone (@Rated_MK17) July 21, 2022
— Jack (@demoskratos001) July 21, 2022
DONATE TO AMERICAN WIRE
If you are fed up with letting radical big tech execs, phony fact-checkers, tyrannical liberals and a lying mainstream media have unprecedented power over your news please consider making a donation to American Wire News to help us fight them.
Writers and editors can be contacted at writers@bizpcreview.com with feedback, tips, or corrections.
Sierra Marlee is a millennial whose hunger for the truth in a world of fake news has led her to write. Marlee also contributes to BizPac Review.
- Trump counterpunches with campaign ad-style video hours after FBI raid - August 9, 2022
- Horrific footage shows alleged drunk woman kill at least five, including babies, barreling through red light - August 5, 2022
- Ted Cruz SHREDS clueless FBI director over latest symbols of ‘militia violent extremism’ - August 5, 2022
Comment
We have no tolerance for comments containing violence, racism, profanity, vulgarity, doxing, or discourteous behavior. If a comment is spam, instead of replying to it please click the ∨ icon below and to the right of that comment. Thank you for partnering with us to maintain fruitful conversation.