Relationship therapist says ‘sex on the first date can be beneficial’ but do most people agree?

Rachel Wright, a left-wing relationship, sex, and mental health therapist, has argued that sex on a first date can be a positive for some couples. She made the case in an interview last September with the British sex product company Lovehoney.

“Sex on the first date can be beneficial if you want to have sex on the first date. Here’s the thing: there is no ‘right time’ to have sex. And I’m talking about sex with the definition of a ‘meaningful experience of pleasure’. The concepts of ‘Don’t give away the milk for free’ and ‘They won’t like me anymore if I give it up too quickly’ are old and antiquated and can create so much shame for people of all genders,” she said.

“For some people, having sex right away is incredibly helpful in determining if they want to go on a second date, and for others it feels entirely out of reach because they need to have established an emotional connection with the person before they can have sex,” she added.

“Wherever you fall on this spectrum is perfectly okay, and it’s encouraged to talk to the person you’re going out with about it. If you’ve been texting for 2 days before the day, perhaps it may not come up – but if you’ve been texting for two months and trying to schedule a date and it’s finally happening, you may have already discussed sex. Be honest with yourself and the person you’re going out with about your expectations of yourself and them,” she concluded.

According to Wright’s Twitter profile, she’s a self-identified “non-monogamous & queer” woman who uses “she/her” pronouns. In other words, she’s a left-winger.

(Source: Twitter)

The sex product company, Lovehoney, conducted a survey to go along with the interview, and the survey found that a 49 percent plurality of respondents had engaged in first-date sex, while a 42 percent minority hadn’t.

“Men in particular are more prone to a first-date hookup, with just under 60% of male respondents admitting to having done this. Women, on the other hand, are slightly less inclined to jump straight into bed with someone,” the company reported.

“According to our survey, only 43% of women have had first date sex. Given that women typically receive more judgement and stigma for being sexually active, it comes as no surprise that they may want to wait slightly longer before having sex with someone new,” the company added.

The survey likewise found that those between 18-24 and over 55 “are the least likely to participate in first date sex, with only 31% and 42% saying they previously have, respectively.”

Lovehoney’s report continued with an analysis of “why” some people prefer sex on the first date.

“Almost half of all female respondents (49%) said that sexual compatibility testing is the main reason they’re open to first-date sex, whereas the most common answer for men (and most common overall) is simply because people enjoy having sex on the first date,” the company noted.

Others (28 percent of men and 22 percent of women) meanwhile said that having sex on a first date helped them “connect more quickly on a sexual level.”

The company then looked at “why” some people prefer to NOT have sex on the first date:

(Source: Lovehoney)

As seen above, a 47 percent plurality of respondents said they “don’t feel comfortable having sex with someone” they “don’t know very well.”

Smaller percentages said they don’t believe in first-date sex or they don’t enjoy first-date sex, etc.

The company’s report concluded with Wright offering tips for those who choose to have sex on the first date.

“There’s no such thing as safe sex – only safer sex. Even if you use barriers (such as condoms) and other forms of birth control, there is still a chance of pregnancy and STI transmission. Plus, some strains of HPV + HSV 1 & 2 can be transmitted simply through skin to skin contacts or lip to lip contact – condoms don’t prevent that. So, have a conversation,” she said.

“STIs are a part of life when you’re sexually active, and there’s no shame in getting one, as long as you’re getting tested regularly and asking if your partner or potential sexual partner(s) has been tested too. Share with your potential sexual partner the date of your last screening, if you have any STIs, and what protection you’d like to use,” she added.

“And do this BEFORE you’re in the ‘bedroom’. If you can have this conversation before the first date, you can come prepared with condoms, lube, – whatever you need! And remember, STIs can be transmitted in all sorts of ways – not just through vaginal or anal penetration,” she concluded.

Vivek Saxena


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