New woke Swiss Army knife to drop blade due to ‘violence in the world’

First, it was the Boy Scouts of America, and now modern “woke” culture has come for one of the most valuable pocket tools ever made.

The Swiss Army knife is receiving a reboot for the twisted times that will no longer make it an actual knife, with the blade being removed from the multi-faceted instrument in an apparent effort to deter violent crime and adjust the product to be marketed in countries with laws that restrict the carrying of knives.

In some areas of Europe – particularly jolly old England – there has been an explosion in the type of stabbings that are consistent with the massive influx of immigrants from Muslim areas.

“We are in the early stages of developing pocket tools without blades,” a spokesperson for Victorinox said in a statement to CNN, adding that the company won’t be doing away with its traditional knives entirely and that the new version will be a compliment to the product line.

“With innovation at the core of our brand, we are constantly listening to our consumers and their needs; and acknowledge that there is an appetite for the functionality, versatility, and craftsmanship the Swiss Army Knife is known for in more specialized fields and situations,” the spokesperson said.

(Video: YouTube/Victorinox AG)

In an interview with the Swiss media outlet Blick, Victorinox CEO Carl Elsener said “We’re concerned about the increasing regulation of knives due to the violence in the world,” according to a translation by Fox Business.

“We’re actually working on pocket tools without blades,” Elsener explained.

“For example, I have a cool tool for cyclists in mind,” he added. “We already have a tool specifically for golfers in our range. Cyclists probably need special tools, but not necessarily a blade. The blade creates a weapon image in some markets.”

“In England or certain Asian countries, you are sometimes only allowed to carry a knife if you need to have it to do your job or operate outdoors,” Elsener explained. “In the city, however, when you go to school, to the cinema, or to go shopping, carrying pocket knives is severely restricted.”

In the UK, where London is a city plagued by knife attacks, knives are only permitted to be carried if the folding blade is shorter than three inches in length.

X users remarked on the pointlessness of it all.

“Since 1897, the Swiss Army Knife™ has been an iconic symbol of versatility and resilience. Blending expert craftsmanship with intelligent functionality, our Swiss made knives provide smart solutions in every situation. Whether you’re up against the extraordinary or navigating everyday life, the Swiss Army Knife™ ensures you’re always prepared,” Victorinox states on the company’s website.

Chris Donaldson


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