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Gutfeld hilariously lays out case for a Hunter Biden presidency: ‘He can tackle the drug crisis’

July 16, 2022 | | Print Article

Fox News’ Greg Gutfeld thinks Hunter Biden should be the Democrat Party’s 2024  nominee because he’s “the smartest guy in the room,” he “can’t be blackmailed,” he would have multiple “first ladies of the evening,” he “knows business,” he “can also tackle the drug crisis,” and he’s naked all the time, which is great for transparency.

Speaking this Friday evening on his hit Fox News show, “Gutfeld!” he eloquently and passionately made the case for why the 52-year-old crackhead son of President Joe Biden deserves the honor of being America’s next president.

“There’s been a lot of talk about who the Democrat nominee should be for 2024. We aren’t even halfway through this term, and they already want to bail on Joe. It’s the only bail Democrats support. But can you blame them? His favorability rating is two points ahead of rheumatoid arthritis and three points below anal warts,” he began.

“But here at ‘Gutfeld!’, we say no … the Biden name is too strong to ignore … which is why I’m saying it’s time to support Biden 2024. Forget Joe. It’s time for Hunter. After all, Joe says Hunter is the smartest guy he knows, so it stands to reason he’ll be an improvement. You think I’m kidding, but hear me out.”

Gutfeld then listed a myriad of reasons why Hunter deserves the nomination, starting with the clear-cut fact that he can’t be blackmailed on account of the fact that he’s already thoroughly exposed himself through his own recklessness:

“There’s a ton of reasons why Hunter would make a great president. First of all, unlike most politicians, Hunter can’t be blackmailed. Seriously, what if some foreign agent approaches him and says, ‘Mr. President, we have video of you masturbating.’ Hunter would probably reply, ‘Fine, but do you have one from this angle or this angle? How about this? I can get you high-def if you’d like,'” Gutfeld explained.

Speaking of Hunter exposing himself as a crack-smoking, prostitute-loving fiend, the Fox News host continued by talking about his potential first ladies.

“Of course, most presidents have first ladies, and they always have some crusade that keeps them busy and it never works. Remember how Michelle Obama tackled obesity? I didn’t think kids could get any fatter,” he said.

“But Hunter, you know, instead of a first lady, he’ll have first ladies of the evening. How fun would it be to see him slow dancing at the inauguration with an Eastern European in pumps, short-shorts and a belly shirt, while eight more dressed similarly are lounging in the grotto that used to be the Lincoln bedroom?”

Continuing his case for Hunter, Gutfeld then pointed to the crack-smoking Biden’s penchant for business.

“And even better, the guy knows business. If anyone can, this guy could pay off the national debt. Hell, his paintings are worth a half a mil a pop. He could pump out 400 of those a month right out of his nose. He also knows creative accounting as well. Prostitutes as a medical service? I mean, I need to switch doctors,” he said.

As previously reported, Hunter Biden sometimes paid off his hookers using checks disguised as for medical services. How clever.

“Although his advisors are going to want to be very specific with Hunter when they bring up inflation, but he can also tackle the drug crisis. Who better to deal with drug cartels than someone who has their direct number. And remember, did you see him thoughtfully weighing the crack in front of the hooker,” Gutfeld continued.

He referenced this fun video:

Good times!

“Hunter’s the only guy that does drugs wearing a GoPro, but you saw how precise he was. Finally, here’s a politician interested in lowering all drug prices. Plus, you want transparency? This guy is naked 100 percent of the time. Hunter has his clothes off so much that when he wants to go swimming, he has to add clothes,” Gutfeld added.

And then there’s the 3:00 am call to consider. Recall how former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton popularized the idea that a president has to be ready to resolve a potential nuclear crisis in the dead of night.

“And what’s the most important question for a president — will you be awake at 3:00 am to take the phone call. Yeah, you can bet Hunter will be awake at 3:00 am to take any call, unless it’s from a baby mama. But in any emergency, Hunter will always be the first one there because he won’t waste time getting dressed. So yeah, the wrong Biden is running,” Gutfeld said.

“Joe was right, Hunter’s a genius. The guy took his family name and turned it into a cash cow that fueled unadulterated reckless hedonism. Most crack addicts would be incarcerated, but this guy, he’s in Malibu. He must have Don Jr. thinking why the hell didn’t I do that. So there you have it. Hunter should run. And I think he’s got the balls to do it, because I’ve seen them in the video.”

Sadly, we’ve ALL seen them …

Vivek Saxena
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