Jen Psaki debuts special ‘flame proof’ pants at press conference

(Photo by Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images)

#satire

For most people, the phrase “liar, liar, pants on fire” is just a childhood cliché. In her role as Press Secretary for the Biden administration, however, Jen Psaki found herself replacing her pants after every press briefing.

“I was going through four or five pairs of pants every week,” Ms. Psaki lamented. “We had the conservative media reporters sit closest to the podium in case the fire spread, so ignoring them was hard, even for me. We had to bring in the fire department at every briefing, and we were going through six or seven fire extinguishers a day.”

The new material, called Liberotech, can resist flame for up to three hours, allowing Ms. Psaki to carry on most conferences without incident. Liberotech pants feature “flex fit,” allowing complete freedom to spin, flip, and backpedal in comfort and style.

Liberotech is popular with many in the Democratic leadership, including President Biden. “I was telling Corn Pop about this just the other day,” President Biden said. “Now I can discuss the economy and my son without bursting into flames.”

DC Firefighter Jamie Plunkett says he is relieved that the Biden administration is turning to Liberotech clothing. “It’s just dangerous, you know? I lost count of how many times we were called to the White House during the state-of-the-union address.”

Liberotech will be launching its complete clothing line later this year. CEO Mike Clemmons explains, “It’s not just clothes, it’s a lifestyle. We’re currently premiering an exciting line of very narrow shoes to avoid stepping on sidewalk cracks and breaking your mother’s back.”

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